Take Care

I am wary of writing about this topic. There are a lot of buttons that might get pressed. But in the last few weeks several things have happened that have made it hard to ignore. I think about this topic constantly, especially as I get older and review my own teenage years and life so far. I sometimes feel I could write a book about it, but I don't know if that would help me. Perhaps it could help others. One day I might try it. My recent desire to take up the topic was prompted in the first place by the poet Lemn Sissay sharing his responses to receiving and opening his care files from the local authority who took him into care as a baby. An obviously bright and lively boy was labelled in ways that had an effect on his teenage years. The level of scrutiny and vocabulary used by the social workers was uncomfortable reading for someone as remote from the situation as me, so what must it have been like for Lemn to read. I was reminded of my own boarding school experience. Those of us who had parents abroad were treated differently from those who had parents close by. I was an intelligent and questioning teenager when I went, though nobody had told me that. This attitude got me labelled as rebellious and sly by the nuns and I started to hide my thoughts and feelings, constantly feeling like an outsider. I had some good friends and a diary. I wrote letters to friends outside of school. These had to be smuggled out and I was sometimes caught doing this. All aspects of our lives, from the underwear we wore to deodorant we used was under scrutiny and disapproval from the nuns. Even washing our hair more than once a week or sneaking an extra bath ( twice a week on a rota) was a punishable offence. You get the picture. I could go on. And the education was poor, except for my wonderful English teacher. A few of us applied for university and the headmistress refused to sign our UCCA forms. Our parents paid for this kind of care and education. So Lemn Sissay revived my memories and then there was a sudden flurry of activity on Facebook. The Daily Mail had done a feature on boarding school memories, and someone from the junior part of my school had written in a damning piece. Coincidentally there is a school reunion planned in September, so there was a lot of response to this. I was amazed to see that some defended the school and the nuns, but others had an equally unhappy experience, including physical punishment and beatings. I went there at the age of 13 , and I would describe the abuse as emotional and psychological, alongside neglect of physical care. Poor food, lack of awareness of health problems teenage girls might be dealing with. Period problems, eating disorders, hormonal imbalances, asthma, excema,etc etc. Then I heard Julian Clary talk about the impact boarding school had on him, and the way he had turned a nightmare into a way to survive, which led eventually to his successful career. It was on Radio 4's Saturday Live programme, and I could hear the incredulity from the presenters that his parents hadn't intervened. And of course, that's the big difference for my generation. Parents didn't believe their children's testimony. Adults were the experts. It's one of the reasons why abuse stories are coming out into the open now, and not when they happened. It's still happening in some areas of life. And this week the troubles of Kids Club has been all over the news. There are going to be a lot of disappointed children as a result. All those children who need someone to support and encourage them, someone to fight their corner,to recognise their abilities and their difficulties. And then there's love. It's about self esteem and confidence. Ironically yesterday's news item on the on the fact that public school pupils earn more than their state school contemporaries within a few years in the workplace highlights one aspect of this. That's why care in this context seems a contradiction in terms. I'm talking about young people in this post, but you can apply all of this to the older generation and their experience of care too.